I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
