I can tuck mytits in my pants
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
