You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize