im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
