First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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