I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
