I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
