Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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