I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize