had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
this will be a night to untag.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
