the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
