She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
