he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize