i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
