Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just took my morning after pill in the library
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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