I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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