Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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