Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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