Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
