I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize