i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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