Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
