I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
In other news, I just burned my penis
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
