you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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