I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
