i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
