I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
