I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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