my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
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If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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