All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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