Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
