why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
