I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
