um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Everclear isn't food dammit
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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