thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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