Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
