I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
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So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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