I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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