Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
