Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
