I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
