where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
