My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
