She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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