guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
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omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
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i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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