I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
