why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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