smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize