Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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