I faked an abortion last night.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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