I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
