Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
