I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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