Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
