well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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