Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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