I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
