How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
