i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
