I hate all girls vehemently.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
third nipple confirmed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
